Sunday, May 22, 2011

All right. Which one of you got to him?

There have been several times in the past when I have pointedly asked my husband to be more of a leader to our family.  (This MAY have reached the level of nagging *sigh*)  Sometimes he would refuse and sometimes he would agree to try.  A change has happened recently when I have pointed out to him some other families where the husband is not the leader and he could see how those families could benefit from some direction.  The last time we talked about his being the leader he was a very gracious listener and took part in the conversation to a large degree.  What really surprised me was when I was trying to explain to him how his being the leader would take a great burden from me and he stated that he understood my point.  This last discussion probably occurred over a month ago and I have seen some small positive changes since then.  I have graciously NOT pointed out how he could do even better by.......              *pats self on the back*

We had a family trip planned this weekend and here is the way these usually pan out:
  • There is no stated time to leave, but both of us end up angry when we feel that we haven't left on time, each blaming the other.
  • When it is time to eat he asks, "Are we going to eat?" then "Where are we going to eat?" at which point each of the kids has their fast food preference that they voice loudly.  I either say, "I don't care," at which point we eat fast food or I list several options and he seizes upon the last option I mentioned as if it were the law of the land.
  • We attend whatever event is planned and then we all stand around waiting for someone to decide that it is time to go.  When my husband finally gets tired of waiting for me to declare that it is time to go, he says something like:  "Well, aren't we ever going to leave?"
I'm afraid that the previous parts of this post make my husband sound like a bit of an ogre.  Sometimes, I too have felt like he was an ogre.  I have to remember that I have had my part in creating this and this blog is really a chronicle of the journey.

Anyhoo - my husband has either been reading this blog or one of you emailed him personally with specific instructions.  I can explain the actions of the past weekend in no other way.  Here's how it went down:
  • He announced to the children and me exactly what time he wanted us to be leaving the house.  We were all ready to go at the proper time and got a good start. 
  • When he came home from work he instructed me, yes I said INSTRUCTED ME to hang up his clothes for him.  No apology, no whining, begging voice.  Instructed.  Why does that thrill me so?
  • He took care of all my luggage, loading and unloading it in the car. (I didn't ask for this.)
  • He asked me to find reviews of local restaurants at our destination, then he chose one.  (Joy!)
  • He told me that he would be going for a run the next morning and asked if I would like to come.  On the run, he chose the whole route, merely giving hand signals for the next turn etc.
  • At the event, he was gracious and social.  He even took a large part in clean-up afterward.
  • He told me that he planned to leave in around 15 minutes, giving me time to make my good-byes and get out the door.
 Surely, this must seem like a silly list to most of you.  (Most of you, as if my audience were a crowd!)  But it is NOT silly to me.  These little actions that he took really made the whole weekend run so smoothly.  Even the kids seemed to sense it and there was peace in the land .....  er van.

Did he get a testosterone injection?  Has he been reading my blog?

The truth is that I was close to dispair one month ago feeling that he would never be one to take the lead, prompting me to start this blog.  I felt that this would surely be a looooong journey and blogging would help me to chronicle that.  I wonder - now that he has made this turn, will there be anything to blog about?

Whatever the reason, I am a grateful wife.

2 comments:

  1. Good for him. I hope you let him know how happy it made you.

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  2. Anon - I didn't specifically say, "Your Alpha behavior pleases me," but I did tell him that I had had a great time with him that weekend and thanked him for a great family trip. That first statement would be too much like a pat on the head and "Good boy", don't you think?

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