For the purposes of this post, my inner thoughts will be posted in this script. I think it will work better that way.
We have an event coming up with our church, so the family discussion was: To go or not to go? Here's how it went:
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Me: Are we planning to to go the event? If we're going I'll need to plan what food I need to prepare and take.
Him: What do you want to do?
Me: I hesitate to tell you because I think that any time I give my opinion, it is taken as the law and I hate that.
Him: No, I'm just asking your opinion.
Me: Okay then, I'd rather not go.
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My husband has been gone all week with our oldest son on a camping trip. It was a long week and I am so glad to have them back home. Everyone slept in this morning and I cooked a large, late breakfast. As we were eating I broached the subject again.
Me: Did we decide if we were going to the event?
Him: You said we weren't going.
Me; [angry now] Please never say that "You said we weren't going" as if I have laid down the law. That was my VOTE, nothing more.
He ALWAYS does this!! I wish he'd go back to the woods for some more camping!
Him: Okay, let's take a family vote. Who wants to go to the event?
Wow, way to avoid any leadership at all. Coward.
As it turns out, two of the kids want to go to the event and one doesn't. One of the kids who wants to go is of driving age.
Him: Okay, those who want to go, can go [with the driving kid] and those who don't want to go, can stay home.
Well, at least that was a shade of leadership.
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After breakfast, he decides to clean out his hiking backpack. He has some leftover snacks that he doesn't know what to do with. He brings them to me with this comment: "Here's some nuts for you."
Really, what would YOU have said?
I am having the EXACT same problem with my husband! I have absolutely no idea how to handle it. Have you made any progress/found any solutions?
ReplyDeleteOur daily impasse is dinner. He'll call home from work and ask what I'm making for dinner. I usually haven't decided yet, so I respond with, "I don't know. What do you want for dinner?" Its a simple enough question, a very simple one-word answer is all that is required. But instead, 99% of the time, I get, "Oh, I dunno babe. What sounds good?" Holy cow man... if something was really jumping out at me, I would have said so by now, so I usually respond with, "Nothing sounds good, but whatever. I'll come up with something, most likely." And I don't even know how many times he's come home, looked at what I made for dinner, and is upset because I didn't make what he wanted, or I made what he 'didn't' want. I am pretty amazing in reading people, but there is no mind-reading capability on my list of talents, and I don't see it developing soon.
It is all very frustrating, and I absolutely do not want to be in the driver's seat for our whole life together. I was raised to understand that the father/husband was the leader of the family, the wife/mother was the supporting role (who could veto bad decisions and who's input was considered but not always catered to) and the children only got to make decisions on their birthday (and even then it only went so far as what was for dinner and what kind of cake they wanted). I want to be in the supporting role, I want to be submissive. The biggest decisions I want to be making on a day-to-day basis is what I'm going to wear, what my son is going to wear, and if I'm going to do two loads of laundry or three.
I don't know how to make it clear that I am desiring the supporting role without getting naggy about it!
-Rachel
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteIf your husband is open to it, you might steer him toward the Married Man Sex Life blog or the book. My husband isn't open to reading those, but is open to trying to change. I hope you and I both see some progress in our marriages soon. {hugs!}
Encourager