In the days Before Alpha, when my hormones and emotions roamed freely across the land, my husband was quite the passive-aggressive guy. I have noticed that this tendency of his has seemed to trend more toward the aggressive-aggressive lately and I'm surprised to find myself pleased at this.
A situation this week has illustrated this perfectly. I am the most thrifty person I know. My husband is not. We have taken two rawwwther expensive vacations this summer and have built a rawwwwther nice deck as well. We had been saving and could afford to pay cash for all of these. I still hyperventilate just a little when I look at our bank balance, wondering if there is enough left for emergencies etc. This has been bothering me a little and brewing under the surface but I try to resist as I realize that I am more thrifty than 99.5% of the earth's population and nagging wives aren't considered sexy for some reason.
Over dinner last night, my husband announces to the family that later this month would be a great time for a weekend getaway and he would take suggestions for destinations. I admit, this is pretty alpha behavior ~ taking the initiative, making things happen. Immediately my budget sensor sounded the alarm, however. I managed to smother this annoying alarm through cleaning up the kitchen with the family, our weekly family devotional and getting ready for bed. {okay - that's probably not true. I just asked one of the kids if I seemed to be in a good mood or a bad mood last night. The immediate answer: "a BAD mood".} I did escape from the family and take a long, soaking bath to try to keep my little black emotion cloud out of everyone's path.
This morning, my husband was looking at a map and figuring up our possible destinations. I asked, "So, what is your budget for this trip?"
"I don't have one."
"Do you know how much money we have in the bank?"
"No."
"Do you remember that we have taken two rawwwther expensive vacations and have built a rawwwwther nice deck this summer?"
"Yes."
[She launches!]
"WELL!! I don't enjoy being the only person who keeps track of money around here and frankly I think it is ultimately your respons..."
"You need to hush now.".. and he walked out of the room.
[launch interrupted]
Now, in the past we would have argued back and forth, each accusing the other of being irresponsible or uptight. The argument would have likely ended in his saying something stellar and passive-aggressive like, "Well, why don't you get mad about it?" or "You are always so gripey before your period." before he had to walk out the door for work. OH! That is infuriating and it just seems cowardly to me.
Later he came back to give me a good-bye hug and casually mentioned as he was going out the door that he would take over our finances at the first of the year. I am thrilled!!! I hate worrying about the finances and it would be great if he takes over that job.
In the past he would have never been brave enough to tell me to hush. I admire him for facing the problem head-on and dealing with it. My launching into a tirade was not helping the situation and through intrepid detective skills, I'm pretty sure he had already ferreted out what the problem was without my piling on. Ya think? This would have been a much worse day if he had used his usual passive-aggresive tactics in this argument. As it sits now, though, I am not sitting here stewing through my day thinking about how irresponsible he is. Instead, I am grateful that his shoulders are big enough and strong enough to handle me AND our finances.
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